Haven’t written a journal entry for this in a long time. I tend not to use dA as much as I used to, but I’m still here, floating around in the background.
I’m still writing all the time, but I’ve actually started keeping a journal of sorts because I’ve found that writing by hand is easier for me than typing sometimes. There’s also the fact that I’ve been without a laptop or computer for about 3 months at this stage due to a serious screw up, so accessing a computer has been difficult.
A lot has changed in my life since about February of last year and, honestly, I couldn’t be happier. I’ve removed a lot of toxic people from my life, while finding new people to share my hopes and dreams with. I’m still perpetually single, but I’ve also gotten over that fact. At this point in my life I’m just happy to be surrounded by people who love and care about me, I don’t need a relationship in order to have a great life – if anything a relationship would only slow me down at this point.
I am now (almost) qualified as a Pharmacy Assistant which is awesome. I didn’t know how I’d feel about it once I actually started working, but it’s amazing. I was working with a fantastic group of people on work experience, and I’m now looking forward to working with awesome people for the foreseeable future.
Having said that, it doesn’t look like I’m going to be in Ireland for very much longer. I’ve been talking to a lot of friends abroad, as well as some relations, and figuring out what my next move should be. I’m hoping to move elsewhere in Europe for a few months at least. One of my closest friends will be moving to Asia later this year, so there is the possibility that I may go with him. Doing so would involve finishing my TEFL course, but that shouldn’t be too much of a burden. The fact that I’m also qualified to work in a pharmacy means that hopefully, even if I don’t finish the TEFL on time, I should theoretically be able to get a job because it is an international qualification (and everyone needs access to medicine, right?)
There isn’t really much else going on at the moment, I haven’t had anything majorly wild or exciting happen in the last few weeks anyway.
I spent a lot of December reflecting on 2015 and figuring out what my next move was going to be. I basically reached the decision that 2015 was a year of healing and recovery. 2016 is the year that everything falls into place for me again. No more wondering “what’s next?” This year is about making decisions and taking steps to get the most out of life. I’ve already made plans for at least 2 trips this year, but I don’t want to say where or what in case it all falls through. I am cautiously optimistic about it though, I have the means to do it, now it’s just about finding the time!
So to all the friends that stuck with me through another year: thank you!
To all the ‘friends’ I lost: Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (even though they weren’t so great)
And too all my new friends: here’s hoping that those friendships get stronger throughout 2016! J
This is basically a long rant about someone who is doing my fucking head in.
So, I have this... "friend" who I've been having a lot of problems with lately. Well, when I say "lately" I mean - for the last year or so. It's not a small problem either it's a fairly big problem actually because it's putting a real strain on what used to be an awesome friendship. I've known this friend for years, I mean years and years and I used to count them as one of my best friends, but there's this... Distance between us now that's really hard to over come.
Basically what's happened is this friend has turned into a massive asshole who only ever talks about themself. If I try to have a nice bitchy rant with them about something that's going on in my life, they have this habit of changing the damn subject and going off talking about theirself and not letting me get the story out. I realize that this person has stuff going on in their life as well and that they want to talk to me about what's going on, which is fair enough, but I'd like to be able to talk to them properly every once in a while - and not just be sitting there listening to constant rambling and the same bitching that I've heard about a thousand times at this stage.There was some stuff going on with me in the last couple of weeks that I'd really like to be able to talk to them about, because I honestly feel that (if they'd fucking listen) they'd understand what I'm going through better than a lot of my other friends.
It really sucks though because this person and I used to be like siblings, we could talk to each other about anything, but now it feels like I can't say or do anything without them deciding that they'd rather talk about something going on in their life. I know I'm guilty of doing the same thing from time to time, but this is CONSTANT, like - every time I talk to this person it seems to happen. I've spent a lot of time while talking to this person just occupying myself in other ways by playing games on my phone or whatever is closest. It's become a painful experience to try and have a conversation with this person, especially since we already have difficulties finding times when we can talk to each other.
I've had other friends tell me that this person isn't worth the effort I'm putting in and that I should just drop them entirely, but it's really hard to do that to someone who has basically been your sibling for a large number of years. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love this person to bits and pieces, there was a time when I would have done anything they asked me to if they needed me to do something for them, but there's a limit to how much time and effort I can put into a friendship. ESPECIALLY since it constantly feels like I'm putting in more effort than they are. Friendship is about give and take, but all this person does is take and I can't get a word in edge-wise.
I don't know how long I can do this for, I've managed this long but I have other shit going on in my life right now that I need to focus on and that I have to deal with immediately, I don't need the pressure of maintaining this "friendship" as well... We'll see how it continues. There's a chance things might be a bit different this time next year, but for some reason I highly fucking doubt it.
If you're my friend I expect to be able to come to you and bitch, moan, and rant about what ever is going on in my life and to have you care and actually try to help me. I also expect that if there's something going on with you you'll come to me and bitch, moan, and rant etc. But it has to go both ways or there is no friendship.
I'm at the very very end of my rope right now, and this is the absolute last thing I need. This person is on such thin ice right now and they don't even realize, because if I tried to talk to them about it they'd take it as a personal offence and there's no way they'd understand where I'm coming from.
Life's too short to be dealing with this, and I'm really thinking that I might just have to stop dealing with it all together and cut this person out, which I don't want to do. But I guess sometimes you have to take stuff out of the suitcase to make room for what you really need....