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About Literature / Hobbyist Nicole24/Female/Ireland Group :iconknownames: knownames
Poetically Insane.
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Tonight could arguably be one of the most important nights of my life, but due to a lack of information and uncooperative family members, I'm basically missing it. 

I've dealt with some serious amounts of bullshit because of my family over the years, but this absolutely takes the fucking cake. 

Here's a message for the masses: when there is any kind of major family event happening, try making sure that the immediate family members (in particular) are informed. I don't give two shits about what's going on, if there's one member of the family not present and you have the chance to inform them that they COULD be present; FUCKING TELL THEM. 

I will undoubtedly be writing another journal soon which will probably contain more information, but right now I am in absolutely no state to be anywhere near a keyboard. I would likely regret some of the things I would say. 

Not a proper journal update, but this is as good as I get this evening. 

Also, I just needed to vent before I realilsed that I definitely shouldn't start ranting right now. 

Ugh. 

Whatever. 
The amount of drama happening in my life right now is beyond ridiculous. It's not even about me, it may massively affect me and my life in general, but it also has the potential to quite literally change the rest of my life.

And I'm pissed.

Unfortunately I cannot post about exactly what the problem is because it's not my problem to share, but I can very vaguely explain my situation in regards to this. The best overview I can give is that someone close to me (let's call them X) made a decision that has bitten them in the ass. Hard. I found out about this a while ago but couldn't do anything about it for various reasons. That was a couple of months ago, before Christmas.

Flash-forward to present day and X has informed a few other people of the situation and they are trying to lend a hand and come up with a solution.

(That's the best I can do I'm afraid)

So what's my problem in all this? Well because I'm quite close to X I'm constantly being asked my opinion on the situation, which is fine because I basically don't have an opinion at this point in time. I've sat with the information for long enough that I realized that it's actually none of my damn business and X is entitled to do whatever they damn well please. However, I am also being asked to "report back" about any further information that X may or may not provide me. Here's where I start having issues.

I am incredibly loyal to the people I care about. It's just who I am. I hate breaching boundaries of trust and if I'm informed that I have done so I will apologize profusely and make a genuine effort not to push those boundaries again. I refuse point blank to "report back" with any information regarding this because, although the outcome of it could drastically change my life (which isn't an exaggeration, it could potentially change my life entirely), it's not my decision to make and ultimately my opinion doesn't matter.

X now has to make a further decision, based on the outcome of the original decision, and this is where it gets complicated. I have given my two cents; I have gone through the pros and cons of multiple different options that are available and I have also provided myself as a sounding-board for further discussion on the whole topic. That is as far as my involvement goes. Of course I have my own opinion on what the actual outcome should be, but because I realize that my opinion is based largely on me being selfish (largely, not entirely) I have kept that opinion entirely to myself.

Other people - not so much. There were two people in particular (Y and Z) who have been very vocal about their opinion on the subject. They, like myself, have said that X is the only one who can really make a decision on how to proceed from here. They, again like myself, have looked at the options, weighed up the pros and cons etc. What they've done, which I didn't, is give X a complete run down of EVERY LITTLE DETAIL, even going so far as to set up meetings without X's knowledge or consent.

X has been almost too laid back about this, but is stalling massively on making this last decision that needs to be made. In all honesty, there are only 2 options really available. Personally, I'm leaning more toward solution B than solution A because it makes so much more sense. It's faster, easier and, most importantly, it would have the least drastic affect on my life (not to mention the lives of my family). However, Y and Z have recently stated that solution B is the least acceptable decision to make. They have said that going forward with solution A is going to be the best long term, that they will assist in the day-to-day practicalities of putting it in place etc etc (which they fucking won't). In response to my argument in favor of solution B (which by the way, is the solution that X is currently leaning more toward) I was told that my opinion wasn't valid, that solution B would prove to be a massive mistake, that X would never actually go through with it, and that if X did go through with it, it would change their relationship with X.

Now, I've had my issues with Y and Z in the past, we have a lot of different opinions on many different things, but I genuinely thought we would agree on this. I was sure that they would jump behind solution B and start pushing. When in actuality, they're firmly behind solution A and are blasting solution B with a flame thrower. This has put X in a really awkward position where they don't know what to do. The opinions of Y and Z matter a lot more to X then they do to me, but that's because X is closer to them personally than I am. However, I'm still over here in my corner firmly in the camp of "Do whatever you want to do, whatever you think is going to be the best decision in the long run, just MAKE THE FUCKING DECISION AND PUT US ALL OUT OF OUR MISERY!" (Of course I'm not going to say that to X's face, but that's where I'm at).

I should probably mention one other person (let's go with V for this one, 'cause why not). V was informed of the situation at the same time that Y and Z were, or close enough to the same time anyway. V's entire response was the single most blood-pressure-raising response I have ever heard. Let's just say there were tears and "why does it have to be you? Why can't it be me? Everything is so unfair!" (I swear, if I could tell you the whole situation, you'd want to punch V as much as I do). While I have acknowledged the fact that the outcome of this whole thing could drastically change my life, I'm generally fairly happy to go along with it. If solution A is what is chosen, then I'll go with it. Even though it will most likely mean me having to move (like, out of the country), if it's what X decides to do, well then that's just that. If solution B is chosen I won't have to move just yet and X can figure out what they're next step is going to be after the fact. V, on the other hand, has not stopped complaining about X and the whole situation. V is being completely judgmental and selfish about everything. They have to be included in EVERY discussion about the topic, even though, in all likelihood, they would be the person least affected by either outcome.

We have now reached the point where X really needs to make a decision (any fucking decision) by about Friday (it's currently Sunday) so that they will have the time to get stuff organized and arranged (regardless of what decision they make) in such a way that they're comfortable with it all, because at this point - that's all that matters. Y and Z are pushing hard for solution A, I'm just waving solution B on a flag in the background (because subliminal messaging totally works), V is completely wrapped up in their own little world, and X doesn't seem any closer to deciding on what exactly is going to happen next.

Everything is in limbo at the moment, I'm being pulled in about 20 different directions between this, trying to find work, trying to have something of a social life, trying not to strangle various members of my family on a daily basis, and a list of other stuff.

There's also a whole other load of stuff that I literally can't even mention because, as I said, I can't actually talk about what the situation IS, and it's KILLING ME.

Tl;dr I hate it when I'm close to the center of drama, it's the most stressful thing on the planet and I'm very close to ripping someone's head off over it.


#sendhelp

(Side Note: With all the editing it took to make this at least somewhat readable, (without giving away too much of what's going on) it has taken me an hour to make this post. It is now 03:16 and I have to be up at 08:30. Fuck.)
  • Listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6uiAj2cZoE

Haven’t written a journal entry for this in a long time. I tend not to use dA as much as I used to, but I’m still here, floating around in the background.

                                           

I’m still writing all the time, but I’ve actually started keeping a journal of sorts because I’ve found that writing by hand is easier for me than typing sometimes. There’s also the fact that I’ve been without a laptop or computer for about 3 months at this stage due to a serious screw up, so accessing a computer has been difficult.

 

A lot has changed in my life since about February of last year and, honestly, I couldn’t be happier. I’ve removed a lot of toxic people from my life, while finding new people to share my hopes and dreams with. I’m still perpetually single, but I’ve also gotten over that fact. At this point in my life I’m just happy to be surrounded by people who love and care about me, I don’t need a relationship in order to have a great life – if anything a relationship would only slow me down at this point.

 

I am now (almost) qualified as a Pharmacy Assistant which is awesome. I didn’t know how I’d feel about it once I actually started working, but it’s amazing. I was working with a fantastic group of people on work experience, and I’m now looking forward to working with awesome people for the foreseeable future.

 

Having said that, it doesn’t look like I’m going to be in Ireland for very much longer. I’ve been talking to a lot of friends abroad, as well as some relations, and figuring out what my next move should be. I’m hoping to move elsewhere in Europe for a few months at least. One of my closest friends will be moving to Asia later this year, so there is the possibility that I may go with him. Doing so would involve finishing my TEFL course, but that shouldn’t be too much of a burden. The fact that I’m also qualified to work in a pharmacy means that hopefully, even if I don’t finish the TEFL on time, I should theoretically be able to get a job because it is an international qualification (and everyone needs access to medicine, right?)

 

There isn’t really much else going on at the moment, I haven’t had anything majorly wild or exciting happen in the last few weeks anyway.

 

I spent a lot of December reflecting on 2015 and figuring out what my next move was going to be. I basically reached the decision that 2015 was a year of healing and recovery. 2016 is the year that everything falls into place for me again. No more wondering “what’s next?” This year is about making decisions and taking steps to get the most out of life. I’ve already made plans for at least 2 trips this year, but I don’t want to say where or what in case it all falls through. I am cautiously optimistic about it though, I have the means to do it, now it’s just about finding the time!

 

So to all the friends that stuck with me through another year: thank you!

To all the ‘friends’ I lost: Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (even though they weren’t so great)

And too all my new friends: here’s hoping that those friendships get stronger throughout 2016! J

  • Listening to: Life On Mars? - David Bowie
  • Reading: A Storm of Swords Part 2: Blood and Gold
  • Watching: Arrow
  • Drinking: COFFEE!!

Right Mistake

Star light, star bright

The first star I see tonight

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Retract the wish I made last night.

 

Star light, star bright,

You are such a lovely sight

This isn’t fair, it is not right,

To hold on to this wish so tight.

 

But as I lay me down to sleep,

I think of him and start to weep,

And if I die before I wake,

At least I made the right mistake.

 

(c) Nicole Coyne

01.10.2015

Right Mistake
Randomly started writing this as I was sitting waiting for a bus. 

It's one of the few pieces I've posted here that I have actually gone back and edited thoroughly. 

Critique is always welcome. 

Comments and :+fav: are love! :) 

Nicole
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Tonight could arguably be one of the most important nights of my life, but due to a lack of information and uncooperative family members, I'm basically missing it. 

I've dealt with some serious amounts of bullshit because of my family over the years, but this absolutely takes the fucking cake. 

Here's a message for the masses: when there is any kind of major family event happening, try making sure that the immediate family members (in particular) are informed. I don't give two shits about what's going on, if there's one member of the family not present and you have the chance to inform them that they COULD be present; FUCKING TELL THEM. 

I will undoubtedly be writing another journal soon which will probably contain more information, but right now I am in absolutely no state to be anywhere near a keyboard. I would likely regret some of the things I would say. 

Not a proper journal update, but this is as good as I get this evening. 

Also, I just needed to vent before I realilsed that I definitely shouldn't start ranting right now. 

Ugh. 

Whatever. 

deviantID

nrdcoyne's Profile Picture
nrdcoyne
Nicole
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Ireland
Hey everyone. I'm Nicole, I've just finished by BA Degree in English and History at NUI Galway, Ireland.
I guess if you are on this page you either already know me, or you want to know something about me. Well everything you need to know is on this page. Just click on the links to my stuff and by reading those you should be able to get a fairly decent idea of the type of person I am! ;)

But here are the basics anyway -
Name: Nicole
D.O.B: 22nd August
Relationship: Single
Sexualtiy: Bi-sexual
Fav Colours: Red, Orange, Gold, Yellow, black, brown etc
Obsessions: Fantasy novels, movies, music.....

Anything else you want to know's probably on this page somewhere. If it's not, well then you don't need to know about it do you? :P

Current Residence: Galway
deviantWEAR sizing preference: M - L
Print preference: Big... That's about it!
Favourite genre of music: anything! From classical to heavy metal anything
Favourite photographer: duno . . .
Favourite style of art: anything
Operating System: Windows! Lol
MP3 player of choice: Classic Ipod!!
Shell of choice: ??
Wallpaper of choice: Depends on my mood
Skin of choice: Again depends on my mood
Favourite cartoon character: Tom and Jerry
Personal Quote: Pain is the price of a dream come true, love is what dreams are made of.
Interests

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:iconreubendeflash:
ReubenDeFlash Featured By Owner May 12, 2014  Student Writer
Hello and welcome to :iconwe-write-to-escape:

Thank you for joining the group and we hope you like being a member! If you have any problems, don't hesitate to ask. Myself, or one of the other admins will be happy to help. :heart:

Have a fantastic day!

-Hannah
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:iconrollingtomorrow:
RollingTomorrow Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014   General Artist

Hello! :iconexcitedhiplz:

 

La la la la Welcome to :iconwriters--club:La la la la

 

We're glad to have you as a member and look forward to seeing your contributions! OMG MOAR POEMS!

 

We also hold a lot of contests with great prizes, so keep your eye out for them!

 

Additionally, we also hold monthly features for published authors. If you have published any of your writing in a manner in which it can be purchased online, please send a note to the group so we can arrange to feature you!

 

We also have a Critique Program for our members to submit to and receive detailed feedback on their work from our admin team. :D (Big Grin)

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:iconvikingjon:
vikingjon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thanks for adding
Cycle
to your favourites, Nicole! :)
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:iconnrdcoyne:
nrdcoyne Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No problem! :) It's a great piece, I love the simplicity! :) 
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:iconvikingjon:
vikingjon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thanks again! :)
Reply
:iconcalleighblack:
CalleighBlack Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
On the basis that you're an awesome person and writer, I have to follow you now.
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:iconsolusfallenwolf:
SolusFallenwolf Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013
lol nvrmind I see you got it into the folder, bravo :)
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:icondawnnscuteboutique:
DawnnsCuteBoutique Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for adding me to your watch list so long ago. I'm now fully active again!
Reply
:iconrainyhawaiiv2:
RainyhawaiiV2 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fave.
Reply
:iconsnowraven0:
snowraven0 Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you for the fave on "Breathing"~!
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